After a bad night鈥檚 sleep, you squabble with your kids at breakfast. Then a neighbour parks you in. When you finally get to work an hour late, your boss makes one more impossible demand. No wonder you鈥檙e angry with the world.
So what is the best way to control your anger? Is it going for a run to blow off some steam?
Or would you be better off meditating?
I鈥檓 a psychology researcher with a special interest in anger and aggression. Here鈥檚 what the evidence says does and doesn鈥檛 work.
When you鈥檙e angry
Feeling angry is not just about having a feeling. Your body becomes 鈥 your face turns red, your heart rate, blood pressure and respiration rate increase, and you sweat.
On any given day, . Most of this anger doesn鈥檛 turn into aggression (harming other people). However, about say their anger negatively impacts their lives.
1. Exercise can backfire
You may feel like you need to 鈥渂low off some steam鈥, in other words, do something active to ease the anger and stave off any aggressive urges.
This 鈥溾 is an idea popularised by the founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud. Now it has found its way into modern life.
But some of these physical activities can increase your anger and aggression. That includes .
Let鈥檚 suppose you argue with your partner and you correctly interpret that feeling of arousal as being angry. But going for a run can also make you aroused or 鈥渁mped up鈥. So when you return from your run, even a relatively innocuous comment can trigger more anger or aggression.
But you don鈥檛 have to blow off steam to try to alleviate anger. For most people, anger will all by itself.
2. Mulling it over and over won鈥檛 help
Replaying the event constantly in our minds and thinking about how we might get even is all part of . This involves diving deep into thinking about the causes and consequences of a personally important provocation and how to respond.
Rumination may feel like we鈥檙e processing the event in a helpful way. And many people who struggle with controlling their anger tend to use rumination, albeit ineffectively.
angry rumination actually increases or maintains anger, and increases aggressive behaviour. That鈥檚 because rather than looking for solutions and effectively processing the anger-inducing event, people just focus on their angry feelings, and the causes and consequences of the event.
3. Distraction works
Distraction, perhaps the opposite of rumination, . It鈥檚 also one of the simplest things you can do to alleviate angry feelings.
My colleagues and I have done this in experiments by asking participants to think about a neutral topic, such as the layout of their university campus. But you could play a non-aggressive game on your phone, read a book, or recall happy memories.
This distraction allows the arousal to dissipate and, along with it, the feelings of anger.
In one experiment we did with university students, distracted themselves and reduced their anger.
4. Sit with your anger, don鈥檛 react
As anger is a high-arousal state, another way to combat angry feelings is to induce a state of low arousal.
When colleagues and I grouped together the best available evidence in a meta-analysis, we found in reducing anger and aggression.
In simple terms, involves being fully aware of your body, thoughts, feelings and emotions in the present moment, in an accepting and non-judgemental way.
It鈥檚 something you can learn to do, using a free app, such as .
In addition to lowering arousal, mindfulness involves accepting the anger. That means 鈥渟itting鈥 with the anger and not reacting to it, which makes it difficult to feel angry and aggressive.
In , researchers found low-arousal activities such as relaxation exercises, meditation and yoga lowered anger. This included in university students, people with criminal histories, people of all ages, and people from Eastern and Western cultures.
5. Look at it another way
Another way is to use a strategy called 鈥渃ognitive reappraisal鈥. This is a broad term for thinking about the anger provocation in an objective way that reduces your anger.
You could do this by looking at the situation from an outsider鈥檚 perspective. How would a passerby evaluate the argument you two are having? You could imagine the provocation as if you were floating above yourself and the person who provoked you. You might consider that the person who provoked you is experiencing a lot of stress in their lives.
The key is you鈥檙e creating psychological distance between the anger and you to create more objective thinking and less-personal responses.
People who tend to habitually use cognitive reappraisal are , , and show to provocation.
What鈥檚 the take-home message?
By using the techniques that work, and avoiding the others, your relationships, wellbeing, and even heart health .
However, if you find this doesn鈥檛 work, and your anger episodes are frequent, distressing to yourself or others, long-lasting, or accompanied by aggression, it may be time to seek professional help.
, Professor of Psychology,
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