91É«ÇéƬ

I went through my first 21 years constantly exhausted and often crying for no reason or ‘bursting’ when there was any pressure. I had friends, but never really felt understood or that I belonged. I went through every day with a mask, trying to adapt to fit in. I didn’t consider that anything could be causing this. I thought I had too much of a ‘normal’ life for something to be wrong.

It wasn’t until I started my career that someone suggested my consistent feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy were not mentally healthy. I finally saw a psychologist and was diagnosed with moderate anxiety and severe depression.

Over the years I tried different supports including psychology, psychiatry, psychotherapy and different medications. I had periods of being able to cope, and others where I was numb. It felt like I was battling a storm. Fighting to get out of bed, clawing my way to the shower each day and taking every bit of strength I had to complete basic self-care tasks.

I changed careers and my depression subsided, but I still had issues with procrastination, distraction and social difficulties. I did some research and decided to seek a diagnosis. Eight months later I was diagnosed with ADHD and sensory processing difficulties.

It has been life changing. I’m more forgiving of myself when I make mistakes. I’m realistic about what I can achieve and know how to motivate myself. I’m also weaning off my anti-depressants because my depression was exacerbated by my ADHD needs not being met. 

Knowledge is power, even if you can’t get a diagnosis, learn what you can and be kind to yourself. If something doesn’t work, try something else. It took 30 years for me to get to this point and I’m so glad I persevered.